The LyricsTo His Song Read online

  “Hey, you’re the one that started this shit.” Antwan grinned at me, dressed in all black, looking like he was about to hit the club since I told him there was no way in hell that I was spending the night. “I’m sorry about your phone, shawty. You backed up your numbers, right?”

  “Hmph.” I ignored him, towel drying my hair, eying his attire. “Where are you going?”

  “My brother just hit me up. I’ma drop you off and then roll out.” Antwan watched me roll my eyes.

  “Trying to hook up with Desperate Dick Sucking Bitch #3, huh?” I watched Antwan burst out laughing. “I think that Head Game chick just texted you back.”

  Antwan smacked his lips. “Ain’t nobody trying to be shawty’s side nigga. I don’t even know her name. All I know is she has no problem putting dick in her mouth. It’s been months since I fucked around with her.” He looked me over, watching me adjust the drawstring on his pants. “You’re looking real cute in my sweats, ol’ midget-ass.”

  I rolled my eyes, attempting to walk past him over to my clothes. He really hurt my feelings when he told me that I must have been desperate to fuck with a nigga like Sean. No, I wasn’t desperate. I just needed Sean’s love. Or at least I thought I did. I found it really hard to accept Antwan’s kindness. I’d never been treated like I was someone’s everything before. I’d just met Antwan, and he just seemed too nice. The dude was a muthafuckin’ superstar. I heard the stories about him and his crew. It was no secret that he got around. But I saw a different side of Antwan. He’d made me feel ways that Sean never bothered to even acknowledge that I needed to feel. Sean was too comfortable with me. Outside of sex, he treated me like I was one of the homeboys instead of his girl. I needed to be his girl. Maybe a part of me hoped that ring would change how he perceived me.

  Antwan caught my arm, pulling me back to him. He caught wind of the attitude that I had towards him for what he had said earlier. “I ain’t trying to be your man. All I’m saying is the nigga you’re with doesn’t love you.”

  “You told me back in that studio today that you didn’t know nothing about love,” I reminded him.

  “And I don’t. Shit, what do you know about love? What does love know about you? Apparently nothing. Fuck love; love is for dreamers. Dreamers can have that fake ass shit. My point is,” Antwan huffed, “I just couldn’t help but notice you weren’t being treated right. I don’t like seeing a good woman being treated like she ain’t a good woman. If you were mine, I’d show you off like you were my brand new car. Spoil the shit out of you. You deserve that. You know that right?” Antwan pulled the drawstring to his sweats, pulling it as tightly as he could so that it wouldn’t fall over my hips. His fingers purposely grazed against my skin as he pulled down the white t-shirt that I was wearing. He shook his head, eying the bruises on my face.

  “I never knew loving him would hurt, Antwan.” I finally admitted out loud. “But that’s my problem, not yours. Now take me home, please.”

  Antwan’s driver drove me back to my place that night, bag full of wet clothes and shoes. Antwan refused to let me walk up to the apartment building by myself. He stood facing me in front of the locked entrance to the building that I lived in.

  “Happy Valentine’s Day, Lyric.” Antwan grinned down at me.

  I blushed a little, realizing that it was not only Valentine’s Day but my birthday as well.

  “Happy Valentine’s Day to you too. And it’s my birthday.”

  “Uh-oh, the big two-two.” Antwan nudged me. “Happy birthday. See, you should’ve spent the night. We could have had a slumber party.”

  I laughed out loud. “Right, Antwan. Anyway, so, I guess I’ll see you Monday?”

  Antwan shook his head. “Nah, it’s your birthday. You gotta let me take you out. Come on.” He watched me shake my head hesitatingly. “Just for a drink or something. Not a date but a business meeting. Strictly business, I swear. Thug’s honor.”

  I giggled, pushing him in his chest as he grabbed me close. I looked into his face. I really did have a good time with him, and I wanted to tell him without giving him the impression that we were ever stepping out of the friend zone.

  “I’m glad I met you, Lyric.” Antwan’s eyes traced my lips. “I meant no disrespect to you or your decision to stick by your man. I just wish I had that type of loyalty. I don’t want you selling yourself short. Your biggest mistake is thinking that you can change him. Trust me, I know about mistakes. My biggest mistake with the last girl who I claimed as mine was thinking she’d never leave a nigga for another nigga. But she did.” Antwan shook his head. “Just be smart about it. You deserve what you’ve been missing.”

  “And you think you’re gonna be the one to give it to me? You think you’re what I’ve been missing.” I shied my gaze away from his, looking down at the ground.

  “Damn right I am. I’m yours if you want me. That’s my heart beating in your chest. My blood is already running through your veins. It’s you and me from this day on out, shawty. You really don’t have a choice. I’m here to stay and so are you.” Antwan whispered to me.

  I sighed as Antwan grabbed me close, giving me that amazing, breathless hug again.

  “Why do you have to feel so good?” I said out loud when I meant to make that statement in my head.

  Antwan squeezed a little tighter, pressing his lips against my forehead. “Feels good in your arms too.” He whispered as I gripped his jacket in my hands. “Audrey, I talked to God about you. I asked him to forgive me.”

  I looked up at him, my heart going crazy. “Forgive you for what?”

  “I asked him to forgive me for lusting after someone else’s girl. I told him that I was going to get you by any means necessary, married or not.” Antwan’s eyes danced over my face, making me feel so hot and bothered.

  I had to let him go before my heart got any more caught up in his presence than it already was. “Okay.” I laughed nervously, my heart thumping in my chest, the smell of his cologne lingering all over the clothes that he let me borrow. “Ummm, it’s late. I need to get inside.” I exhaled deeply as Antwan let my body go, only to grab me by the hands instead.

  “You didn’t think I was gonna let you go without getting a kiss goodnight, did you?” Antwan gently kissed my lips. “Your lip gloss tastes good as a muthafucka…” He nibbled on my bottom lip a little.

  I gasped as he kissed my lips again. I swear, his lips were soft as silk. I had never in my life been kissed that way. “Mmmm.” I moaned in his mouth as his lips caressed mine. It wasn’t until my tongue swiped across his chrome braces that it mentally registered that I was kissing Antwan, and I wasn’t supposed to be. By then, it was already too late. Antwan’s hands were in my hair. Our lips were already conjoined. My heart was already racing. I think I even heard angels singing, though those may have been the angels that were singing at my funeral when Sean killed us both.

  Chapter Five

  Mrs. Lee

  “Bless you, boo!” Mariah giggled after making the statement three times the afternoon of Valentine’s Day. It was eleven o’clock, and I had just gotten up. I must have gotten three hours of sleep. Once Antwan left that night, all I could think about was that kiss. When I closed my eyes, all I could feel was that boy’s lips on mine. I had been kissed by Antwan Jared. It may not have been a big deal to the average twenty-two-year-old, but to me, a girl who was hardly ever kissed, it meant everything.

  “Girl.” I grabbed a tissue from the box of Kleenex that sat on Mariah’s dresser. “I think I’m catching a cold or something. I fell in the pool last night.”

  Mariah pulled a comb through my natural hair, trying to help me get it situated. “I knew something must have happened. Your hair is nappy-to-be-damned. Girl, I hooked your hair up the other day. Wasted all my got-damn time and you decide you wanna go skinny-dipping with Sean’s stupid ass last night.” Mariah rolled her eyes.

  I sighed. “Did I say anything about Sean? Your ass is always speculating. I haven’t seen Sean since h
e told me that we were having lunch today with our parents.” I looked up at Mariah as she slowly pulled the comb through my hair,

  Mariah looked down into my face, a slight grin growing across hers. “So… after we left you and ‘Twan at Carolina Kitchen, what did y’all do for the rest of the day?”

  “Everything.” I sighed.

  Mariah’s eyes widened.

  I shook my head frantically before she got the wrong idea. “Not everything.”

  “Well, you already know how my mind works. My mind lives in the gutter, so you’re gonna have to be more specific.” Mariah started parting my hair into sections so she could moisturize it before applying heat to it.

  “Well, we went to the National Harbor to hang out for a while. We went back to his place. We had a few drinks. We talked. We had interesting conversations with older couples who lived in the building that he lives in. We wrote music. Shit, we came up with this crazy-ass song for the first single on his next album. It’s kind of like a rap duet; he’s trying to get me to do it with him since it’s really a song about the two of us, but I wrote it for Queen to do the vocals. Anyway, we had dinner, and then we wrote some more. Until around 12:30 this morning.” I watched Mariah grinning from ear to ear. “What?”

  “And?” Mariah wanted me to keep going, as if there was more to tell.

  “And what?” I asked.

  “You said your ass fell in the pool, Audrey; how the fuck did you end up in the pool? Damn, non-storytelling ass.” Mariah shook her head at me.

  I rolled my eyes. “Well, he was talking all this shit about how stupid I was for fuckin’ with Antwan. Then, the nigga had the nerve to tell me that he could have been with any hoe he wanted; had the audacity to show me all the bitches that were hitting him up on the phone while I was sitting there by that pool on the roof top of that expensive ass building that he lives in. Excuse me, one of the expensive ass buildings that he lives in.”

  Mariah shrugged with this, ‘Shit, he does have a lot of hoes and could have been with all of them at the same time, in front of my ass’ look on her face as she started flat-ironing my hair. She was looking at me like I was the one trippin’.

  “Well, damn.” She cleared her throat. “Was your sister’s name poppin’ up on his phone?”

  I rolled my eyes at her. “All the hoes names were abbreviated. Not one name on the display. The nigga said he didn’t even know any of them by name. But he was pissing me off, trying to prove his point of how much he was so-called ‘giving up’ to spend time with me. So, I tossed his phone in the pool.” I watched Mariah’s eyes widen before she burst out laughing.

  “And then my phone started ringing in my pocket.”

  “Your brother’s old cell phone? Oh no…” Mariah shook her head, already knowing what I was about to say.

  I nodded. “Yeah. And Sean was calling. And Antwan tossed the shit in the pool. I leaned over the edge of the pool to see if I could spot it. And I lost my balance. Antwan tried catching me and lost his balance, too. We both fell in and—” I sneezed. “Yeah, that’s why I’m sneezing.”

  Mariah laughed a little.

  “My phone is fucked up, and his phone is fuckin’ waterproof, probably still ringing off the hook.” I rolled my eyes. “We changed clothes. He got all dressed up like he was about to go out, which I’m sure he did since I told him I wasn’t staying over.”

  Mariah mushed me in the head. “Idiot!”

  I shoved her back.

  “You’re lucky I don’t flat iron your face, Audrey! The fuck?” Mariah scoffed. “You should’ve stayed your ass with Antwan and said fuck this fake-ass lunch with your family. For real, I’m not even going to do this shit with you, Audrey. I hope the only reason you came to my crib was for me to do your hair. My girl, Breazy, said she only works a half-day today. We’re gonna be fuckin’ all afternoon, so don’t think about poppin’ up over here, crying about that nigga because I don’t wanna hear shit. I know it’s about to be some shit today. I can just feel it!”

  I sat back in the chair that I was sitting in, having the same horrible feeling. “Yeah, I can too. But I couldn’t stay the night with Antwan. He’s just too… too good to be true. He seems like trouble.”

  “Trouble? Shit, Sean is trouble! He’s been trouble since day one. I told you back in school when you were lusting after that nigga that he was no good. He didn’t show one bit of real interest in you until you went to prom with that white dude, Billy. Sean didn’t want anyone else’s dick up in you but his. I’m not stupid. You might have been dazed by the dick, but us rational folks can see right through Sean.” Mariah sat the flat iron down on a towel on her dresser before she started brushing the ends of my hair with a round brush.

  “Antwan is so different. I don’t know if it’s because of his mama’s heart in my chest that I feel a connection to him or if it’s because he shows me attention that Sean doesn’t. But whatever the reason, he’s right on time.” I admitted out loud.

  Mariah looked down at me as I looked up at her. She sighed, a sympathetic expression on her face. “I like Antwan for you, but you are right. He is trouble. He is caught up in some crazy shit. I don’t want you to get hurt fuckin’ with him, but at the same time, Sean ain’t shit. And I wanna see Antwan snatch you from this nigga. Just be careful, okay?”

  “Antwan kissed me.” I sighed.

  Mariah just looked at me. She knew how much a kiss meant to me. She knew how much I needed to feel close to someone who I meant everything to. She watched me pout, cry, yell, scream, yearn for Sean’s attention, never to really get it. She knew the only reason why I was even considering taking this ring from Sean was because I wanted him to want me. Mariah wanted to smile for me, but she couldn’t. She knew I was in trouble.

  Mariah shook her head. “You better hope Sean doesn’t find out. You already know, based on Antwan’s character, he’s that in-your-face, yeah-nigga-I-did-it type of nigga. I guarantee you that Antwan’s gonna tell your boy he sucked on your face. How much you wanna bet? I bet my lesbianism that this nigga shows out today! I’m not gonna front; Sean goes hard, but Antwan goes harder. I feel sorry for that bastard because he’s about to lose you to a real nigga.” Mariah watched me roll my eyes. “What? You heard Antwan say he was gonna clown at your wedding! I believe that fool!”

  “He doesn’t even know me.” I sighed, eyeing myself in Mariah’s vanity mirror as she slayed my hair.

  “That’s why I know he’s about to act a fool. What dude knows someone for two days and is already this crazy about her?” Mariah smacked her lips. “I told you that someday, someone would care about you the way that you deserved. I told you to wait on him, boo. I told you not to settle for Sean because there would come a day when you wouldn’t have to settle. And here Antwan is. Don’t go to this lunch. You’re gonna regret it.”

  “Well, you’re the one who woke me up this morning. If it hadn’t been for you, I would have still been asleep. I just fell asleep at seven this morning. I am not in the mood to see my parents today. You’ve got something for me to wear to this lunch, right? You know I don’t own a skirt or dress of any kind.” I sighed.

  Mariah dressed me in tight blue polka-dot dress. It was cute in a sixties kind of way. I refused to bust my ass in heels, so I slid into her navy blue pumps from Nine West. Mariah covered my bruises with hypoallergenic make-up by Clinique. She clipped my hair to one side. We both admired my reflection in the mirror. I think Mariah was just as nervous for me as I was for myself.

  “I hope the next time I see you that you’re not wearing that ring. But good luck anyway, boo. Tell your mom I said kick rocks, okay?” Mariah hugged me around my neck before I walked out of her apartment door.

  ***

  “Audrey! Happy birthday, sis!” My little sister, Amber, hugged me around my neck. I hadn’t seen my boo in a minute. She was so petite and short, reminding me of Jada Pinkett when she played in Set If Off. Amber almost never came home. She was a freshman at Spellman and loving life. She
was happy to get away from home. She had no respect for our mother whatsoever. Had no idea how Mama could stay with Father throughout his infidelities. She thought our mother was weak and had no respect for herself or for the two girls that she raised. Alvin hated the way that Dad treated mom. As bad of an example of what a man was supposed to be that my father was, my brother never followed in his footsteps. Alvin respected women. He loved Fatima. And I would admit, she was crazy about him. His death fucked her head all the way up. So much that the bitch went to my man for comfort.

  “Hey, Amber!” I gave my sister a tight squeeze, meeting her in the foyer of my parents’ house. “How have you been?”

  “Oh, I’m good.” Amber let go of me, looking me over. She grinned, looking up into my face. “Look at my big sista in a tight ass, foxy dress! You look so pretty!”

  “Yeah,” I rolled my eyes. “Thanks to Mariah. You know she has skills.”

  “She didn’t wanna come to this bullshit either, I see.” Amber shook her head at me.

  “Everyone’s here. Waiting for you in the dining room. You know Sean’s bitch ass mama is gonna trip about you being late.” Amber took my jacket from my shoulders.

  I sighed, walking through the foyer, Amber tossing the white jacket on a coat rack before following behind me. “Who is here?”

  “Oh, you’ll see.” Amber sighed.

  I let out a deeper sigh, strolling down the highway. I hesitated before sliding open the door to the dining room. All eyes were on me as I stepped into the room. My mother sat across from Father at the cherry wood dining room table. Ms. Hanna Lee sat across from her son, Sean. Fatima sat to the right of Ms. Lee. And Brandie sat to Sean’s right.

  Amber made her way around me, going over and sitting at the empty chair left to the of Ms. Lee. And I sighed as Sean got up from his chair to pull the empty chair to his left out so that I could sit in it—something his rude ass had never done. I shook my head at him as I walked over and smoothed my dress out before sitting down in the chair. Sean pushed my chair in before he sat down beside me, looking really handsome in his semi-casual, button down, smoky gray Gucci shirt and black dress pants. I glanced at him before looking at the rest of the house guests.