It's Wrong for Me to Love You Read online

“Heaven, will you dance with me?” I flinched at the sound of Aaron’s voice over my shoulder.

  I jumped up from the barstool. I wanted to slap him dead in his face, but instead, I pushed past him. “Get the fuck away from me, Aaron!”

  He grabbed my arm, pulling me back to him.

  I looked up into his face, shaking my head. “Aaron, go back over there and dance with your baby’s mama!”

  Aaron shook his head, pulling me closer to him, surrounding me in his arms.

  I buried my face in his chest. “How could you do this to me?” I sobbed. “You said you loved me!”

  “Baby, I’m sorry.” He whispered in my ear, “I’m sorry you had to find out like this.”

  I lifted my head from his chest, looking up into his face. “Aaron, what is it you want from me? We can’t be together when you’re having a baby with my best friend!”

  Aaron looked like he was on the verge of tears, but he manned up. He let go of me and took me by the hand, out into the middle of the dance floor, where we faced each other. He grabbed my body by my hips and brought me closer to him. I slid my arms over his shoulders as Aaron looked down in my face. His lip was trembling. He didn’t know what to say. His words came out in tears. I cried aloud, burying my face in his chest.

  “Heaven, I love you. This doesn’t change that. I’m sorry. I swear, I didn’t know,” he whispered in my ear, drying the tears from my face. “I’m not ready to be a father, especially to a girl I know I don’t wanna be with. I wish that you were the one having my baby, shorty. You know I’d rather be with you, Heaven, don’t you?”

  I looked up into his face, my heart fluttering in my chest.

  He looked down into mine, his eyes searching my face. I thought he was going to kiss me, right in front of everyone. To top it off, the drunken part of me actually wanted him to . . . but he didn’t. He just held my face in his hands, drying my tears. His thumbs grazed against my lips.

  “Aaron, you-you are so wonderful. And I wish I would have told you sooner,” I whispered, looking into his face as he put his hands back on my hips.

  I looked up at him, watching the look on his face change from remorse to frustration. He let go of my hips, and I turned around to see Charlie standing there, arms folded, alongside . . . It took a few seconds to realize who the man beside her was because my whole body seemed to go numb. Flashbacks of middle school raced through my mind. Flashbacks of the happiness, sadness, pain, anger, and loneliness flashed through my heart. There I was, staring in Jamie’s face again after four years. He looked amazing, like a model fresh off the cover of GQ magazine. He stood there, dressed in all white from head to toe. His skin was smooth, chocolate, and flawless. When he held my hand, I could feel his pulse. I snatched away before my soul connected with his again. He had left my heart to fend for itself, then, out of the blue, he pops up at my birthday party four years later. In just three days, my life was turned upside down. I went from being lonely to being confused, to being angry. I had no choice but to leave my own party.

  I didn’t make it halfway up the sidewalk when Alisha comes running behind me. “Cutie, where are you going?” She caught up with me.

  I turned around to face her. I wanted to slap her dead in her face, but instead, I cursed the bitch out. “Why the fuck would you invite Jamie?”

  “Oh, sweetie,” Alisha grabbed me in her arms and hugged me. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, I swear! I just thought you needed to see him. I ran into him a few months ago in Miami. One of his teammates gave me his number. A few weeks ago, I called him and told him that I wanted to surprise you. It wasn’t easy getting him to come. He said you wouldn’t wanna see him. I guess he knew more than I did. I thought you would at least be a little happy to see him, Cutie. I didn’t know you would be this hurt.” She let go of me.

  “He-he looks so good. Why does he have to look so fuckin’ good?” I sobbed.

  Alisha laughed a little. “I know, boo, I know.”

  “I found out today that Charlie’s pregnant.” I dried my tears.

  Alisha just looked at me, not really sure what to say. She hesitated, “S-she told you that she was pregnant?”

  I nodded, “Yeah. She said that Aaron and her were about to break up this morning until she told him that she was pregnant with his baby.”

  Alisha giggled a little. “Aaron’s baby, huh? That’s funny as hell.”

  I didn’t see anything at all humorous about the situation. “Alisha, you know how I feel about him! You saw us fuckin’ in his bedroom! Charlie is like a sister to me, and this was the last thing that I wanted to do to her! My cousin’s wife asked me to go on tour with her, and I’m seriously considering it. I can’t stay here anymore. It was bad enough loving Aaron when I didn’t know how he felt about me. Now that he told me how he felt and he showed me how he felt, there’s no way I can live with this. I couldn’t breathe when Charlie told me that she was pregnant with Aaron’s baby, Alisha. I passed the fuck out right in front of her! When I woke up, I was looking right into the face of the person who told me that I was only going to end up hurt! I straight up ignored her—and look what the fuck happened!”

  Alisha shook her head. “Girl, you need a drink.”

  I looked at her, wiping my tears that just wouldn’t stop coming down. “Alisha, I drank enough for at least ten people tonight.”

  “Hey, cuz!” Renée came scurrying down the sidewalk in her heels. “Where do you think you’re going? Oh my goodness, did you see Jamie’s fine milk-chocolaty ass up in there?”

  I shook my head. “Girl, you just answered your own question with another question. I gotta get outta here.”

  Renée looked frustrated. “Ne’Vaeh, why are you gonna let your emotions run you from your own birthday party? Do you know how long it took me to plan this shit? Do you know how much money I spent on these decorations? You lucky Jade Allan let us get this spot for free, or I would kick your ass right about now!”

  I put my hand in her face. “Renée, I had a long day. I need to get the fuck outta here. Now either one of you are gonna drive me back to Howard, or I’m gonna walk. I’m sure some perverted muthafucka will be glad to pick me up and give me a ride.”

  Renée rolled her eyes, grabbing me by the arm. “You are too damn dramatic. C’mon, but I’m not taking you home, boo. I know just the place.”

  * * *

  We ended up going to a late-night karaoke bar. I was in no mood to sing, but I always did enjoy watching people making a fool of themselves, trying to keep up with words to songs that they’d never heard. It’s funny as hell watching an old white guy rapping to Lil Wayne. The shit you see in Baltimore.

  The three of us sat at a corner booth in the far corner of the club, eating vodka Popsicles, the bartender’s specialty. It was really strange to see Alisha hanging out without her little entourage.

  “That bartender looks real familiar.” Alisha pointed over to the light-skinned bartender.

  Renée nodded, taking a bite of the Popsicle. “She’s Amina, my best friend’s little sister.”

  Alisha shook her head, “Nah, I know her. She comes over to Ashton’s crib every now and then to smoke with the crew. As a matter of fact, she was over there today.” Alisha looked at me. “She came over to the crib after you left.”

  She just had to remind me about that morning. I sank back in my chair. “See, I was just about to thank y’all for taking my mind off my stupidity, but never fuckin’ mind, Alisha.”

  Alisha laughed a little. “Girl, I don’t even know why you’re trippin’. I mean, besides the fact that you think Aaron got your girl pregnant.”

  I looked at her. “What do you mean I ‘think’ Aaron got her pregnant? You know what, Alisha? I’m not even gonna get into this shit with you. Let’s just chill and get some more drinks. Matter of fact, I’ll go up to the bar and get us some. What y’all drinkin’?”

  Renée looked at me, looking like she wished she hadn’t invited instigating-ass Alisha to come. “Girl, just get me
a rum and Coke.”

  “Make that two.” Alisha winked at me.

  I rolled my eyes, getting up from the table. I made my way over to the bar. The place was crowded. The bar was surrounded with people, but Amina caught sight of me and signaled me to come to the front of the bar.

  “Hey, sweetie!” Her red lips formed a smile. “What’cha drinking?”

  “Three rum and Cokes, please.” I sat on a stool at the bar.

  Amina looked at me as she mixed the drinks. “You’re lookin’ real nineties fly in your Coogi today.”

  I grinned a little. “Thanks, boo.”

  She smiled, setting the drinks on a small tray. “Girl, a mutual friend called a few minutes ago. I hope you don’t mind that I told him you were here.”

  I looked at her. “Friend? What friend?”

  “So you just up and leave your own party, Heaven?” I heard Aaron’s voice over my shoulder.

  I looked up to see him looking down into my face, his green eyes glistening under the bar lights. I hopped up from the stool, turning around to face him, my heart flickering in my chest. “Aaron, I’m not with this shit tonight. Y’all muthafuckas already ruined my birthday party! Now you’re here to ruin the only peace I’ve had all fuckin’ week? Why would you show up here?”

  Aaron pulled me to him by my hand. “Shorty, can we go somewhere and talk?”

  I slid my hand from his. “No! What is there left to talk about, Aaron? You’re having a baby with my best friend! What is there left to discuss?” I walked past him, heading out of the bar. I really couldn’t have the whole bar in my business.

  Aaron followed behind me. “So you’re just gonna ignore me? You’re just gonna walk away from me?” He grabbed me by the arm once we got outside of the club doors.

  I pulled away from him then pushed him in his chest. “Aaron, why are you doing this to me? I told you this morning when you kissed me that this was wrong! That touching me, kissing me, making me feel like I was someone special was wrong!”

  “Ne’Vaeh, is this muthafucka bothering you?” I looked up to see Renée walking out of the bar. Alisha came close behind.

  I looked back up at Aaron. “No, he was just leaving.”

  Aaron looked at me.

  Renée walked over to my side, hands on her hips. “I can’t believe you would bring your ass here! Now, it’s bad enough that you took advantage of this girl when you knew how she felt about you, but then you have the nerve to still pursue her after she just found out that you got Charlie pregnant?”

  Aaron looked at her as if he was really losing his patience with her. Every time she saw him, she had a nasty attitude. “Look, Renée, you need to stay out of this shit. Now, I’m trying to respect my elders, but you keep overstepping your boundaries.”

  Renée’s eyes widened. “Elders? Oh, so now I’m old? Overstepping my boundaries? Nigga, you have me fucked up! Muthafucka, you overstepped your boundaries when you fucked my cousin when you knew you had a girl!”

  Alisha had to step in. “Whoa. Hold up now. I mean, she had a part in this too, while you’re talkin’ all this shit to Aaron. He didn’t force her to have sex with him!”

  Renée looked Alisha. “Oh, really? Let’s see.” Renée looked at Aaron. “Aaron, did she tell you no?”

  I pulled Renée from him before she got in his face. “Renée, please, just leave it alone.”

  Renée pulled from me, stood her ground, and got right up in Aaron’s face. “I asked you a fuckin’ question. Did she tell you no?”

  Aaron’s eyes glistened. He looked at Renée then looked at me. “I know I was wrong, but I had to have her.”

  I rolled my eyes. Renée was always in my business, and I had to admit, it was pretty fucking aggravating at times. “C’mon, y’all, let’s just end this conversation before we take this too far.”

  Renée was already fired up, and there was no stopping her. “You are a triflin’-ass muthafucka! You know the girl hadn’t had dick in like four fuckin’ years! You knew it wouldn’t take much to get into her panties! You could have had any girl you wanted, so why would you choose your girl’s best friend? Why?”

  Aaron just looked at Renée. He had had enough of her. “So, God hired you to be my judge, right? How the fuck are you gonna judge me or your own cousin when the nigga you dealin’ with now has a fuckin’ girlfriend and a fuckin’ baby on the way? How the fuck is a side chick gonna try to give relationship advice? Get the fuck outta here with that bullshit, ma.”

  Alisha just stood there, sipping her rum and Coke from a straw, with her eyes lit up like she knew some shit was about to go down.

  “Why are you bringing this shit up? What you got going on with my cousin has nothing to do with me!” Renée pushed him in his chest.

  “Well, the way I feel about your cousin doesn’t have shit to do with you either!” Aaron exclaimed, trying his best not to push her ass back.

  “The hell it doesn’t! Why are you out here talking to her? There’s no way that y’all can be together when that girl is pregnant! I’m not gonna let you string my cousin along!” Renée turned to me. “Ne’Vaeh, sweetie, please use your head! What do you think is gonna happen to you if you continue to mess with Aaron? He claims he loves you now, but how do you know how he’ll feel once this baby is here? How do you think Charlie will feel once she finds out that you’ve been fuckin’ her man behind her back?”

  I looked up at Aaron. Everything in my mind was telling me that the way I was feeling was wrong, but my heart had no common sense whatsoever.

  “Heaven,” Aaron grabbed my hand, “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I swear I didn’t know that Charlie was pregnant! You know I was gonna break up with her this morning. I was gonna end it until she told me that she was having my baby. I didn’t want this. I’m not ready to be a father. In my family, most of the men had unplanned children with women who they didn’t plan on being with. Even my own father. He married my mother at seventeen because she was pregnant. My father is from England. His family is big on reputation. When you get someone pregnant, they expect you marry the girl.”

  I looked at Aaron, my heart pounding in my chest.

  “Aaron, no!” Alisha exclaimed. “You’re gonna let your parents tell you who you need to marry? You’re a grown-ass man! No, don’t do this! Not with Charlie! I’m telling you!” Alisha looked at me. “Ne’Vaeh, say something!”

  I shook my head. What could I say? I was wrong in all types of ways. I deserved for Charlie to be pregnant with Aaron’s baby. I deserved for her to jump the broom with him right in front of my face.

  “Heaven, I have to do the right thing. I wasn’t raised to walk away from my responsibility. I love you. I have never loved anyone the way that I love you. I should have stepped to you in high school. Baby, I’m sorry.” He held both of my hands.

  “Well, it is what it is. And it’s already done.” I slid my hands from his.

  Renée held my arm. “C’mon, Ne’Vaeh, let’s go back inside. Let him go.”

  I turned around to walk back inside the bar.

  “Heaven,” Aaron called my name.

  I turned back around, heart racing, a sharp pain in my chest.

  “If it’s all right with you, I wanna finish where we left off this morning.” Aaron’s green eyes shone under the streetlights. “Heaven, we may never have this opportunity again. So come with me. Fuck your cousin and what she has to say about it.”

  I looked at Renée, who stood there with her arms folded across her chest.

  She shook her head at me, pretty much done with my heart and me at that moment. Then she threw her hands up, finally surrendering. “Fuck what I have to say about it? You know what? I’m done. If all you want from this boy tonight is sex, then I’m not gonna judge you. Go ahead. Fuck his brains out. All I’m saying is Charlie is gonna find out. I just hope Aaron is worth the drama that she’s gonna bring, because you know the bitch is gonna bring it. Karma goes both ways, cuz. You just remember that shit.” Renée st
ormed back inside the bar.

  Alisha looked at me, not really sure what to say. She looked at Aaron. “I told you to tell her how you felt back in high school, Aaron. This shit is gonna get messy, real messy.” She turned around and walked back into the bar as well.

  I turned to Aaron, looking up into his face.

  His cell phone rang in his pocket. He ignored it, looking down at me instead.

  “Aren’t you gonna answer it? You already know it’s Charlie callin’ you, wondering where you’re at. You can’t just ignore her calls, Aaron.” I shook my head.

  “She’ll be all right. I got something I gotta do. I may never get this chance again.” His eyes grew misty. “I know I’m wrong, Heaven, but I’m really feeling some type of way about Jamie showin’ up here to your party. I know you’re not my girl, but you’re not his either.” His eyes hardened. “Charlie didn’t like the way that I was defending you, and I really don’t give a fuck, Heaven. She should have been defending you. She knows the nigga broke your heart, yet she and Alisha thought it was cool to invite the muthafucka to your birthday party.”

  “I don’t think Alisha meant any harm by inviting Jamie. Why she invited him, I’m not sure, but I don’t think her intentions were to hurt me.”

  “My agent’s cousin owns the Courtyard Marriott in Alexandria. Some friends are there now, throwing a party in the ballroom. We can go there, show our faces, get a dance in, have a few drinks, then bounce. I plan on gettin’ drunker than a muthafucka. I ain’t gonna be able to drive, shorty. My manager reserved me a suite in his name—we can go chill there. I need to stay there for a few days to clear my head. I need to think. I need to figure out how I’m gonna tell my aunt and my parents.” Aaron ran his hands across his head anxiously.

  I shook my head, looking into his shimmering eyes. “Look at the mess we’ve made, Aaron.”

  I didn’t know the kind of family that Aaron was raised in, but apparently, everyone else did. Even Alisha knew his parents would want Aaron to marry Charlie to “protect his reputation.” It took me until our high school graduation to finally meet his family. His father was a handsome white man from England. His mother was breathtakingly beautiful. Her bronzed skin looked as if the sun had kissed it. She was Arabian and Senegalese, and one of the most beautiful women that I had ever met. I saw instantly where Aaron got his green eyes. Her eyes looked straight through you to your soul. She couldn’t care less about me when she met me at our high school graduation, but she immediately took to Charlie.