It's Wrong for Me to Love You Part 2 Page 2

  My eyes sparkled. It seemed like everyone was in love with Ne’Vaeh, and that made me really hate her at the moment. She didn’t have to do anything to get someone to love her. Seemed like I was doing the most, and it still didn’t get me who or what I wanted. My life seemed easier when I was doing whatever I wanted. I was good at being bad. Seemed like I always got what I wanted. As soon as I changed my lifestyle and stuck to one man, my entire life had fallen apart. Maybe Jamie did have the best solution to a happier life.

  I stood from the couch, undressing down to my black bra and cotton boy shorts.

  Jamie’s eyes traced my curves. “Damn, shorty, you getting’ thick as a muthafucka.”

  I looked at him. He noticed my weight gain. I didn’t have a belly yet, but my breasts were bigger, my hips were spreading, and my thighs and butt were getting chunky. “What? What do you mean?” I hesitated.

  He looked into my face as I sat back down on the couch. “You picked up a few pounds, and it looks good on you, shorty. Got-damn.” He pulled me closer to him by my hips.

  I sighed as he slipped his fingers under my panties, tickling my clit. “I just—let’s just kiss and touch. I just need to feel something tonight. I don’t need to go all the way. I just need to feel your lips on me. That’s it.” I was already breathless from his first touch.

  Jamie nodded, unbuckling his belt with his free hand. “That’s cool. I don’t have any condoms with me tonight anyway, shorty. I’m done with that raw shit. I got a shorty down in Mississippi pregnant a few months ago.”

  I swear my heart damn near stopped. “What?”

  Jamie watched the horrified expression on my face. “Shorty went and had an abortion at six weeks pregnant and didn’t tell me until afterward. I can’t go through that shit again, Charlene. I felt bad for shorty, but I’m not ready to be a father.”

  I immediately pulled his hand from my panties. “Okay, ummm, I think you should go.”

  Jamie laughed a little. “What, you want me to go get some condoms?”

  I shook my head, standing from the couch. “No, Jamie, you need to just leave. Doing this with you isn’t gonna win Aaron back. This isn’t gonna get back at Aaron, because he doesn’t give a fuck about me. This is wrong. Even if Aaron is out there somewhere with Ne’Vaeh, this is still wrong. This shit right here is the reason why Aaron doesn’t love or trust me. I tried to change, I tried to be the perfect girlfriend, and now, I’m standing here damn near naked with a guy who made it perfectly clear that a relationship is something he is not ready to be in. You could never love me, no matter what I did for you. I might still have a chance with Aaron. I love Aaron, and this is wrong. So you need to go.”

  Jamie laughed. Nothing ever seemed to faze him. He always laughed everything off. “A’ight, shorty, you want me to leave? A’ight, I’ll go. You know my number.” He stood from the couch.

  Tears slid down my face as I grabbed my cell phone from the end table, and then handed it to him. “Actually, I don’t have your number anymore. I threw it away the day that you gave it to me at the airport.”

  He grinned and entered his contact information in my phone. “You didn’t think you’d see me again? Didn’t think you had to face me again? We’ve known each other a long time, Charlie. You can’t get rid of me just because you throw my number in the trash can, shorty.” He handed my phone back to me.

  It was excruciating holding in the truth for so long. I wanted to tell Jamie about the baby. There was no better time than right now to tell him that I was having his baby, especially when I was losing Aaron anyway. After hearing him say that he wasn’t ready to be a father and that he’d had some other chick in the hospital getting an abortion, I couldn’t bring myself to tell him that I was having his baby.

  “I know, Jamie, and I’m sorry. I’m just really vulnerable right now. I’m so mad at Aaron, and then you show up tonight at the club. Seeing you just does something to me sometimes.” I dried my tears.

  Jamie looked down into my face. He gently kissed my lips. Oh, I felt like I was floating on a cloud. His lips stroked mine until I gently pushed him away.

  I looked up at him, watching him lick his lips. “You have my heart racing, Jamie. Stop it,” I whispered, with my hand over my heart.

  He grinned a little as his cell phone rang. “What’s up?” he answered the phone after eyeing the caller ID. “I’m in the city, man; what’s up wit’cha?”

  I sighed, picking up my clothes from the floor. Jamie had stayed in the streets ever since I’ve known him. I think what he liked most about Ne’Vaeh when we were growing up was that she never had a problem with who he was. There was no changing Jamie, and she never tried. Jamie really loved her for that. No one cherished Jamie the way that she did. Ne’Vaeh once worshipped the ground that he walked on. She was sprung, and now I know why.

  I walked into the kitchen, wishing I could drink that bottle of Cîroc that was in my refrigerator. I hated myself right then. I was trying my hardest not to fall for Jamie, but he was making it a challenge. His heart was even more unattainable than Aaron’s, so I wasn’t stupid enough to believe that he’d ever have a relationship with me, but at least Jamie showed interest in me. It didn’t hurt that we’d been friends since elementary school. That was probably why he cared about me so much.

  It also didn’t help that Jamie was sexy as a muthafucka. The way he looked at me, the way he smiled at me, the way he kissed me, the way he touched me, the way he talked to me—everything about him touched my heart. He had everything that I wanted in Aaron. The only thing that I hated about Jamie was the one thing that he had in common with Aaron—Ne’Vaeh.

  Jamie pressed “end” on his cell, and then put the phone back in his pocket. He looked up at me. “Shorty, my nigga, Andre, is about to pick me up at the Exxon gas station on the corner.”

  I nodded, sitting down on the bar stool at my barista table. “Okay, boo,” I whispered.

  “You have my number now, Charlie. If you want me to come back over, I will.” Jamie walked toward the door.

  Tears slid down my face as I watched him leave.

  Chapter 2

  Caught

  Charlene

  I spent the next day and a half calling Aaron and trying to keep Jamie off my mind. I didn’t bother going to class. I sat in the school library, dialing Aaron’s number on my cell. I must have left thirty voice mail messages on his phone that Monday morning. Dude had the audacity to cut off his phone after I called the tenth time. I was hurt; I couldn’t believe Aaron would do me the way that he did. He knew I’d find out where he was. He knew I had eyes and ears everywhere. Jamie wasn’t the only person to let me know where Aaron was. My nanny’s daughter, Martha, was a housekeeper at the Marriott where Aaron and Ne’Vaeh were. She called me that morning and told me that she’d walked in on Aaron naked, asleep, holding ‘some li’l black girl.’ The manager at the hotel dated my cousin, Tasha. He told me that he saw Aaron’s Impala parked outside the hotel. He said he knew by Aaron’s license plate that it was his car. There weren’t too many “PhuckIt” license plates around.

  You could imagine how pissed I was when Martha called me around 4:30 that afternoon telling me that another housekeeper walked in on Aaron and Ne’Vaeh having sex in the bathroom. She said there were condom wrappers everywhere. She said they looked like they’d been fuckin’ all muthafuckin’ day. At around 6:00, I received an automated call reminding me of my monthly checkup. I called Aaron another twenty-five times that night. Still, straight to fuckin’ voice mail. Aaron didn’t want shit to do with me. He didn’t even wanna hear my voice.

  Around 9:00, my cell phone rang. I hesitated to pick it up, but I looked at the caller ID. Kelissa, Dana, and Danita had been calling me all fuckin’ day. I didn’t feel like talking to any of them. All they cared about was dancing or me getting them into some club. They didn’t care about my life or that things were going downhill with Aaron.

  I didn’t recognize the number on the caller ID, but I answered
the phone anyway. “Hello?”

  “What’s up, Charlie?” You can imagine my shock when I heard Aaron’s voice on the other end.

  I was furious. “Aaron? So you finally decided to pull your dick outta the pussy and call me? I’ve been calling you all muthafuckin’ day. I’ve been calling you since you left Ne’Vaeh’s party. Do you think I don’t know where the fuck you’re at or who the fuck you’re with?”

  Aaron sighed. “Charlie, I just needed some air. I needed some space. I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. We need to sit down and talk. We need to work this out some type of way. I know you hate me, but you need to hear me out.”

  I exhaled. “I don’t have time for this shit, Aaron. I have a baby checkup appointment tomorrow. You wanna talk to me? Well, you can come with me to my appointment. My appointment is at 9:30. Meet me at my apartment.”

  “Charlie, I—”

  I interrupted him. “Aaron, I really don’t wanna hear shit you have to say right now. I’ve been calling you for two days. You call me from some number that I don’t even recognize like I can’t figure out that this is the phone number to your fuckin’ hotel room. The shit you do to me is fucked up, Aaron. You treat me like I’m shit, and I’m sick of it. If she’s the one that you wanted, then that’s the bitch you should’ve been with. I love you, but you love her, and you have no idea how much that shit hurts. Whatever you have to say to me doesn’t even matter. Keep your lies and your sorry-ass apologies to yourself, asshole.”

  I hung up the phone.

  At 4:30 in the morning, I was still up. I held my cell phone in my hands, trying to resist calling Jamie, but I needed him. I needed to feel some version of love, even if it wasn’t the real thing. When I dialed Jamie’s number, he answered after the third ring. “What took you so long to call, shorty?” he answered, loud music in the background.

  My heart rattled in my chest. Oh my goodness, it felt so good to hear his voice on the other end. “Where are you, boo?”

  “Club Toxic,” he spoke over the music.

  “Are . . . Are you with someone, Jamie?” I hesitated to ask. When wasn’t Jamie surrounded by bitches?

  He chuckled. “Nobody I can’t leave to come to you. You at the crib?”

  “Yes, Jamie.” Tears began to slide down my face. “You comin’ over?”

  “Let me just let my crew know I’m leavin’; then I’m out, shorty. Stop cryin’, Charlene. I’m comin’ to you, a’ight?” Jamie assured me.

  I hung up the phone. He was killing me, sending all sorts of mixed signals. He didn’t want anyone to fall in love with him, yet he said and did all the right things. He was so affectionate. Though he was the guy who said what he had to say to get in the drawers, he made it sound real good. That muthafucka.

  It was about 5:30 that morning when Jamie showed up, dressed to impress in a chocolate-brown Armani suit. I looked him up and down in awe as he walked through the door. A trail of Armani cologne trailed behind him. He looked like he jumped straight out of a fashion magazine. He looked like a piece of chocolate wrapped in a suit.

  “Whoa, excuuuusssee me,” I exclaimed. “I feel like I crashed a party. Look how you’re dressed. What did I interrupt, Jamie? Oh my goodness, you look so good.”

  Jamie grinned, turning to face me. “A charity event. It’s cool, shorty. Too many groupies were up in that club.”

  I rolled my eyes, closing the door behind him. “Must have been some chicks you’ve banged already. Used goods, huh?”

  He nodded, “Yeah, a few of ’em, I’m not gonna lie.”

  I walked past him over to the couch. I had wine, cheese, grapes, strawberries, warm melted chocolate, and crackers on the coffee table. My glass was filled with grape juice. I was dressed in a black lace camisole and bikini panties.

  Jamie followed behind me, smacking me on the butt. My butt jiggled. “Thick as a muthafucka,” he whispered.

  I tried not to smile as I sat down on the couch.

  Jamie took off his jacket and laid it across the recliner. He grinned, looking at everything I had set up for his arrival. “Wow, all this for me, shorty?” He kicked off his dress shoes.

  I smiled up at him. “Why not? I mean, you actually answered my phone call. You came when you knew I needed you. I don’t get that type of treatment too often.”

  “It’s been a long day, shorty. Meetings, physicals, conferences, clubs, charity events, checking on my dad, ordering furniture for the new house, class assignments online. Exhausting-type shit; I hate to admit, but I was waiting for you to call me, shorty.” Jamie’s eyes searched my face.

  My eyes misted over as I poured him a drink. “Well, you deserve a drink.”

  “Still no Aaron, huh?” Jamie sat down beside me, unbuttoning his shirt.

  A tear slid down my cheek as I attempted to roll my eyes at the thought about Aaron. “Well, he called me from the hotel around 9:00. Said we needed to meet tomorrow morning. I went damn near two days, Jamie, without a fuckin’ word from him. What kinda man leaves his girl alone for two days? No call, no text, no stopping by, not shit.”

  “The kind of muthafucka who’s not worried about someone else snatchin’ her up.” Jamie tossed his shirt over on the recliner.

  My heart skipped a beat as I handed him the wineglass. “Am I the kinda girl you’d snatch up, Jamie?”

  His voice hesitated. “I gave my heart once, Charlie; I won’t do it again. Yeah, I fuck around with different females, but my heart belongs to her. I’m not gonna sit here and lie to you, shorty.”

  I drank from my wineglass with both hands. Man, I wanted a real fuckin’ drink. Nobody wanted me, and I felt like shit.

  “Nobody wants me. I’m not the kinda girl that anybody likes. I’m just the kinda girl who everyone wants to fuck, right?” Disgusted, I shook my head.

  “Nah, shorty, don’t take what I said that way. Everything about you is beautiful, Charlene. I’m going through a lot, shorty, and when I need you, you always seem to know what to do to take the edge off.”

  I nodded, “You just confirmed what I said, Jamie. I know how to suck and ride the dick. That’s all I’m good for. You don’t wanna love me, Aaron doesn’t wanna love me—nobody wants to love me. Aaron can’t stand me, which is why he’s out there fuckin’ her.”

  Jamie shook his head, taking a few sips from his wine. “Shorty, your man’s coming home. You just have to give him some time. Trust me, baby, you don’t wanna love me.”

  I sighed. “But I just want someone to love me, Jamie.”

  “We’ve known each other for a long time, and you know that I have always loved Ne’Vaeh. I’m not gonna lie to you and tell you that I can love anybody else, because that’s it. One shot, one kill. That’s all my heart can take. Now, if you want a man who’ll come around when you need some late-night action, I’m your boy. We can go out to a club, go dancin’, go get some drinks, have fun, but I’m not the one to love you, shorty. We have a connection because we’ve been friends for so long. I care about you, shorty, but my heart is hers.” Jamie drank the rest of the wine from his glass. “Trust me, someone will love you like that someday, Charlie. Don’t rush it.”

  I set my glass on the table, wiping my lips. That hurt like hell, but at least the boy was honest with me. I reached behind my back to unhook my bra. I slid the straps off my shoulders, and then pulled the bra from my body, tossing it to the floor.

  “Got-damn.” Jamie’s eyes traced my body as I stood, sliding off my panties. “Look at that phat pussy. Can I bite it, shorty?”

  I nodded. “If you don’t wanna take my heart, can you at least take my body tonight? Can you just love my body? Please, Jamie,” I cried.

  He pulled me closer to him, drying my tears. “C’mon, baby, stop crying.” He gently kissed my lips, sucking on my bottom lip just a little.

  “H-how did you know I was crying on the phone, Jamie?” I whispered in between kisses, unbuckling his belt buckle.

  “Because I can feel you, shorty, trust me; I feel your
pain. I know how it feels not to be wanted.” Jamie held my body up against his. “C’mon, shorty, let’s relieve some of that pain for a little while.”

  Then, relieve some pain is what he did. He kissed, and sucked, and licked warm melted chocolate from my entire body. He worked my body until my legs went numb. He didn’t stop until I came twice. It was hard as hell to separate love from sex with him. He said he couldn’t love me; what he was doing to me, however, felt like love. He kissed me, he held me, he made me come, he made me squirt, he made me scream out his name, and he had me in tears. Homeboy put in work; I’m talkin’ overtime; shit, time and a half.

  At about 7:00, the phone rang. The ring tone was “Come and Talk to Me.” It was Aaron. Jamie and I were still getting it in. He was working the shit out of me. He had just come inside of me, dick still throbbing when the phone rang. He looked into my face.

  “You gonna get that, shorty?” He reached for the nightstand and handed me the phone.

  I hesitated as I pressed “talk” on the phone. “H-hello?” I stuttered.

  “Charlie, I’ll be there around 9:00, a’ight? You hungry? You want me to bring you anything?” Aaron asked.

  Jamie sucked and kissed on my neck as he slid out of me. He sat up, sitting on the edge of the bed.

  “Ummm, no, Aaron, I’m good. I can’t really talk right now. I’m about to get in the shower. Just get here when you get here.” I hung up the phone. Didn’t much feel like talking to him; not just because Jamie had my heart racing and my body glistening in sweat, but because my heart was really broken. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but what Aaron was doing to me was wrong too. If he didn’t want me, he should have dumped me in the beginning, instead of stringing me along. I only slept with Jamie because he was giving me the attention that I craved from Aaron. The only person I was hurting by sleeping with Jamie was myself.

  I sat up in the bed, tossing the phone on the nightstand, looking at the clock. Then I looked at Jamie.