It's Wrong for Me to Love You Read online

  Aaron stood before me, dressed in a white Polo shirt, dark denim jeans, and fresh white Nikes. He looked fresher than a muthafucka, fine as hell, but the boy still wasn’t mine.

  “What up, Heaven?”

  I was speechless, out of breath. My mouth fell open, but nothing came out.

  “Oh, so you don’t see the rest of us sitting here?” Renée’s friend, Adina, rolled her eyes, popping a grape from her fruit cup into her mouth.

  Aaron looked over my shoulder at our table, and then at Renée. “Hello, ladies. How’s breakfast? Y’all bought enough food—damn, is there anything left for me and my boys?”

  The girls giggled.

  Renée rolled her eyes. “We were just about to bounce. We got a lot of business to attend to today. So, if you’d excuse us. . . .”

  Aaron looked at me. “Can we go somewhere and talk?”

  I shook my head, my bottom lip trembling. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea, Aaron.”

  “What do you have planned for today, ma?” he asked.

  “Why you worrying about all that? Her plans ain’t with you. She’s comin’ with me and my girls to Hair Expressions. Her birthday party is tomorrow, so a full makeover is on me. If you ain’t payin’, don’t worry about where she’s goin’.” Renée folded her arms. There she was again, being her usual loud, talk-so-the-whole-wide-world-hears-her, smart-ass self.

  “Damn, Renée—why you gotta treat the boy like that? He just asked the girl a simple question.” Kristina shook her head at Renée.

  “I’m just sayin’, why’s he worried about what she’s doin’? He ain’t goin’ with us.” Renée looked up at Aaron. “You need to be worried about what Charlie’s doin’. My cousin is turning nineteen tomorrow. We’re throwing her a big birthday party tomorrow. We still have a lot of setting up to do, and you’re holdin’ us up.”

  I sighed. I was turning nineteen, not really an age to look forward to. You’re on your way out of your teens, but still not of legal age to drink. However, with cousins like mine, getting drunk was never an issue. Renée and her friends planned to take me to a club that Sunday night. I swear, Renée knew every bartender in Maryland, D.C., and Virginia, so getting drunk was not going to be a problem. I needed a drink. Shit, I could have used a whole bottle.

  “Am I invited?” Aaron whispered to me.

  “Hell no,” Renée spoke up for me, irritating the hell out of me.

  “Renée!” I exclaimed. “Damn, I can speak for myself!”

  Renée looked at me, folding her arms, weight shifted on to her left leg. Oh, so now you wanna just talk to him? was written all over her face. I knew she wanted to call me out in front of him for getting loud with her, but she remained as calm as she could.

  I turned to Aaron. “Aaron, today is really not a good day. My family has a lot planned for me, I have a term paper to finish, not to mention, Charlie is flying back in town in the morning, and I am supposed to be meeting her there. So whatever it is you need to talk to me about will have to wait until another day.”

  Aaron wasn’t backing down. “C’mon, Heaven. You know we need to talk, and you know what we need to talk about. You’re not gonna be busy all day and night, shorty—don’t try to play me. If you don’t come find me, I’m coming to find you.”

  I knew he wouldn’t back down. From what Charlie told me about him, when Aaron had his mind made up, it was made up, and there was no changing his mind. The night before proved how determined he was to get what he wanted. I couldn’t spend the rest of my day worrying about what Aaron had to say to me.

  I turned to Renée. “Renée, I’ll be right—”

  Renée shook her head, cutting me off. “No, Ne’Vaeh! What the fuck! We have hair appointments! Whatever he has to say to you is irrelevant in this situation, and you know it! I had to book these appointments a fuckin’ month and a half in advance! If we miss this appointment, Ne’Vaeh, I swear to—”

  I cut her off, “Renée, please, stop, okay? I’ll be right back. I promise.”

  * * *

  I stood outside the restaurant, facing Aaron. I looked up at him. “Aaron, why did you show up here this morning?” I asked.

  He looked down into my face. “Because I knew you’d be here.”

  I shook my head. “I mean, really, though? In front of my cousin and her friends? You know how much those bitches run their mouth about everyone’s business but their own! I can’t do this today with you today, Aaron.” I turned to walk away from him.

  He held my arm, pulling me back to him. “Heaven, please don’t walk away.”

  I pulled from him.

  “Just hear me out, shorty,” he pleaded.

  I looked up at him.

  “I, ummm . . . I couldn’t stop thinking about last night. I apologize if what I did hurt you, Heaven. I don’t wanna hurt anybody. That’s not what I’m here for. I’m here to be with you, sweetheart—I know in my heart that you’re the one that I wanna be with.”

  My eyes sparkled.

  “I’m sorry if me being in love with you scares you, but it’s how I feel, and it was killing me to hold it in.” Aaron reached for my hands, but I pulled away. He sighed. “C’mon, Ne’Vaeh, just hear me out.”

  Once again, tears slid down my face, but I wiped them away as quickly as I could. “I don’t wanna hear you out because you’re not hearing me! I can’t have a relationship with my best friend’s boyfriend, and you shouldn’t even wanna put me in this situation! You should have kept this shit to yourself! You shouldn’t be in love with your girlfriend’s best friend!” The tears kept coming.

  Aaron tried to dry my face, but I pushed him away. “Well, tell that to my heart, Heaven. You think I wanna feel this way about a girl who’s like a sister to my girlfriend? How I feel isn’t lust. I’m not just saying I love you just to be saying this. It took me over two years to build up the strength even to tell you how I feel, Heaven. And to prove to you that I’m not playing, that what I’m saying is real, I’m breaking up with Charlie tomorrow night.”

  My eyes widened, and my heart was pounding as if it were going to shoot straight out of my chest. “Wh-what did you say? You’re gonna do what?”

  “I’m gonna tell shorty it’s over,” he restated.

  “On my birthday? And why would you do that to her when she just lost her uncle?” I exclaimed.

  “Well, when do you suggest I tell her? Is there really a right time to tell someone good-bye?” Aaron’s eyes searched mine.

  I hesitated—I wasn’t sure what to say to that.

  “I can’t be with someone when I’m in love with someone else. It’s wrong.” Aaron’s eyes watered.

  I just stood there crying. Charlie was there for me ever since we were six years old. My so-called mother, Juanita, was an alcoholic. She’d drink until she threw up; then she’d drink some more. When she wasn’t drinking, she was mixing all sorts of prescription medication together. She’d pop pills all day long, which would put her to sleep for days at a time. All sorts of people would run in and out of our house. My sister even got molested and sexually assaulted in the process. Even after she was violated and my brother kidnapped, social services still didn’t step in. In fact, my mother’s doctor continued to prescribe her Percocet for her so-called back pain.

  One night, Juanita drank so much and popped so many pills that she damn near lost her mind. She’d abused my brother, my sister, and me all of our lives, but that night, she beat my little brother so bad that he didn’t wake up the next morning. My sister ran away that night, and my mother went to prison the next day. I haven’t seen my sister since my little brother died six years ago. I was thirteen, Kevin was nine, and Autumn was sixteen at the time. Aunt Joyce couldn’t take us in anymore. Uncle Sean—her husband at the time—was getting tired of my mother and her problems. Aunt Joyce cared about my mother and us more than she did about him and his needs. It was too much for him, and he couldn’t care less if social services stepped in and put us in foster care.


  Charlie’s mother wasn’t having it. Miss Theresa Campbell, a single mother of four children, took me into her home. They treated me like family. I came to the Campbell house with a book bag that contained a toothbrush, toothpaste, a hairbrush, a bar of Ivory soap, three outfits, and three pairs of underwear, two bras, two pair of socks, and a diary from Hallmark. Charlie got her mother’s credit card and took me shopping for a whole new wardrobe. She spent her allowance on making sure my hair, fingernails, and toenails were done. No friend of hers was going to go around looking tore up from the floor up.

  Charlie couldn’t relate to what I was going through, but she knew her friend was hurting, and she did whatever she could to keep a smile on my face. There were nights when I cried myself to sleep because I missed my brother and prayed that my sister was somewhere alive. There were nights that I woke up from the same recurring nightmare that I had about finding my brother dead in his bed. Charlie would stay up with me, holding me in her arms, singing me to sleep. Charlie was my mother and my sister, and I couldn’t forget everything that she had done for me. Aaron was everything to her. She swore she won her a trophy when she snatched Aaron up. How could I take her happiness when she did all she could to restore mine?

  I looked up at Aaron, tears gliding down my cheeks.

  Aaron looked down at me. “Ditch your people and ride with me.”

  I shook my head. I didn’t even have to turn around to know that Renée was standing in the glass double doors behind me with her arms folded—I could feel her glare burning a hole in the back of my neck.

  “I’ll pay to have your hair done, Heaven. Please.” His eyes traced my lips.

  I shook my head. “Please don’t break up with that girl, Aaron! She doesn’t deserve this, and you know it.” I backed away from him. “Aaron, I gotta go.”

  Renée and her crew walked through the doors to my rescue. Renée walked past me, linking her arm with mine. I looked back at Aaron as she pulled me off with her.

  * * *

  I sat at my computer that night, working on my Humanities paper. I was finally making progress when there was a knock at my dorm door. I stood up to get it. I thought it was my RA coming by my room to tell me to turn down the music, so when I answered the door, I didn’t even bother to look through the peephole. I opened the door . . . and before I could open my mouth to say anything, Aaron walked through, the smell of Ralph Lauren cologne trailing behind him. He made his way over to my bed, sat down, and leaned back against the headboard, making himself at home.

  I closed the door and leaned back against it. That boy was killing me oh so softly.... He knew it too.

  “Aaron, what part of ‘we can’t do this’ don’t you understand?” I exclaimed.

  “The ‘can’t’ part,” he grinned.

  “And how the hell did you even get in here?” I asked.

  “You know who I am, shorty—you think I really have to ask if I can get into a female’s dorm? They just ask me who I’m there to see, and they let me in, baby girl.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Sweetie, you can’t stay here. I have work to do tonight. I already know that I’m not gonna get any work done this weekend with my party goin’ on and everything. I don’t have time for this right now.”

  Aaron sat up in the bed, taking his hat from his head. He was dressed in South Pole—a white shirt and dark denim jeans. His Nikes were clean and scuffless. He was looking fine as wine, and he knew it too. “What do I have to say to get you to go out with me tonight? I mean, look at you—you got your hair done, nails done, toes done. You’re looking too good to stay in, Heaven. Let’s go to the club. We can go with a group of my friends so nobody will think we’re there together, bae. C’mon.”

  I shook my head, walking over to my desk to plug in my laptop because the battery was dying. “Aaron, don’t call me ‘bae.’ And you got a lot of nerve comin’ here after what happened at IHOP.”

  Aaron reached for my hand and in an instant, I was sitting on his lap. My heart pounded in my chest as he slid his hands around my waist.

  “I meant what I said when I told you that I can’t be with Charlie anymore. I’m breaking up with her tomorrow night. I know you ain’t tryin’ to hear that, but it’s the truth.”

  “You can do whatever you want, Aaron, as long as you don’t break up with her because of me,” I whispered. “We can’t be together, so stop torturing me like this!”

  Aaron’s hands gripped my waist. “I shouldn’t even ask you to be my girl when my soon-to-be ex-girl is your best friend. I’m wrong for that, and I apologize. When Charlie asked me out on that first date, I should have told her that I wasn’t feelin’ her, but that I was feelin’ you.”

  I got up from Aaron’s lap and turned to him.

  He stood from the bed, looking down into my face.

  I looked up at him. “We were wrong for what went down at your apartment, Aaron, and you know it. You are such a freak.”

  Aaron grinned, biting his lip. “And you like it too, don’t you?”

  “You know what you’re doin’ to me, Aaron—I don’t have to tell you. I’m just asking you to think about what you’re doin’.” I looked into his eyes.

  Aaron pulled me closer to him by my waist. “I have thought about it, trust me.”

  I blushed. “Slow down, Aaron, that’s all I’m asking. Stop calling me, stop coming by my dorm, stop teasing me, stop looking at me like this, stop touching me like this. This is too much. So just keep your hands, your eyes, your hormones, and your thoughts off of me, Aaron.”

  “C’mon, Heaven, I promise I’ll get you back here in time to finish your paper,” he pleaded.

  I shook my head, looking up into his face. “Sorry, Aaron, but no.”

  He sighed. “Heaven, okay, I’m just gonna be honest with you. Yeah, you know I wanna fuck the shit out of you. Yeah, I wanna kiss you, touch you, taste you, be with you. Just let me take you out tonight and let whatever happens just happen. I promise you that if you don’t enjoy yourself with me tonight, I’ll leave you alone. I won’t call you, I won’t text you, I won’t e-mail you—I’ll keep my distance. I’ll back off.”

  My eyes glistened, and my heart raced. My mind kept telling me, No, don’t go out with that boy because he’s nothing but trouble. Look at him, look how fine he is. He knows you want him. He knows his touch makes you weak. He knows his very presence makes your panties wet.

  But my heart—my heart wasn’t trying to hear that shit that my mind was saying.

  * * *

  Aaron went to his car to wait on me while I got dressed. I threw on some stilettos, some skinny jeans, a spaghetti-strap shirt, and a dark denim jacket. I grabbed my purse and keys and darted out the door. I knew what I was doing was crazy, but I went along with it anyway. About ten of Aaron’s friends met us at the club that night. There were so many people there that no one really noticed that I was there, sitting at the bar with Aaron. Aaron and his crew knew the owners of the club, not to mention the bartender was Aaron’s best friend and roommate’s cousin. So you already know the bartender kept the glasses full all night.

  Aaron’s friends were scattered throughout the club, having a good ol’ time. Meanwhile, I sat there at the bar, trying to drown the thoughts of Aaron playing between my thighs from my head. It had taken me years to get over losing Jamie. I did everything that I could not to let anyone else into my heart, but there I was, my heart infatuated with even the mere thought of Aaron. He was amazing, perfect in every way. What did Charlie do to push him to me?

  “Heaven, you good?” Aaron was grinning, sipping from his glass. “You having a good time?”

  I nodded, taking a gulp of whatever sweet-tasting alcoholic drink the bartender gave me. “Umm-hmm.”

  I turned to him a little. “If Charlie didn’t leave town this week, when were you gonna tell me about your feelings for me, Aaron?”

  He didn’t respond. He just drank from his glass.

  I rolled my eyes. “Charlie must have really done something
bad for you to build up the nerve to talk to me, Aaron. And don’t try to blame it on the fact that she turned your idea of marriage down either.”

  Aaron just looked at me for a few seconds before responding. “She just wasn’t you, that’s all.”

  I shook my head. “You have to do better than that, Whitehaven.” I pushed my bangs from my eyes.

  Aaron sighed. “I just got tired of lying to myself, Heaven. I got tired of telling myself that I could make it work with her. I got tired of hearing about muthafuckas that she slept with. I got tired of getting into fights in the locker room with niggas who used to sleep with shorty. It would have been nice to know why she was so popular before we became official, know what I mean? How the fuck would you feel if you were dating someone, and every time you turned around, bitches were in your face, telling you how, when, and where they fucked your dude? You’d get tired of defending your relationship too. . . .”

  I shook my head. Well, Charlie didn’t actually give anyone a chance to tell the boy the truth about her. She cuffed the man thirty seconds after he walked into our classroom. He was “hers” thirty seconds into their first conversation. It wasn’t my place to tell Aaron that his girl was Superhead, was it?

  “When I asked around about you, everyone said you were a good girl. That after Jamie left, you put up this wall, shutting everyone out. When I asked about Charlene, muthafuckas got quiet. It wasn’t until I got cool with Ashton that his girl, Alisha, started telling me the truth about the girl I was with.” Aaron took a sip from his glass.

  I looked at him. True, Charlie should have told him the truth about her history, but I mean—come on—Aaron was fine as hell. He was talented, smart, and charming. Everyone loved to be around him. Up until he approached me about his feelings, he was a one-woman man, despite all the hoes that were up in his face every day. Most girls would have done exactly what Charlie did—keep their past a secret.

  “Nobody’s perfect, Aaron. That girl changed for you. She would lie, die, and fight for you. Charlie loves you, you know she does.” I took another sip, my glass almost on E.