It's Wrong for Me to Love You Read online

  Jamie reached and opened the door to a stall, and he went in, pulling me in with him by my dress. I pulled away from him as he closed the stall door behind him.

  My heart pounded in my chest as I pushed him in his. “You have some fuckin’ nerve showing up to my school with your girl and shit, Jamie! You don’t love Pamela, that’s cool. But I am actually in love with Aaron, a man who has a hard time trusting me because of shit like this!”

  Jamie looked down into my face. “We have known each other since elementary school. Took us damn near twenty years to finally sleep together. We spent a whole week together. It wasn’t just about sex. We’re friends, shorty, more than friends.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know what we are now, Jamie, but we’re not friends. Your girl is out there, Jamie. What would she say if she knew about this? I have a boyfriend. Jamie, we just had sex this morning! You don’t see anything wrong with fuckin’ Pamela, then turning around that same day fuckin’ somebody else?”

  Jamie gripped my dress in his hands and slid it up, exposing my panties. “I haven’t touched Pamela since the day I touched you, shorty,” he whispered.

  Tears slid down my face. He knew just what to say. He knew just what I wanted to hear. He knew just what I needed in my life.

  I shook my head, lips trembling as he unbuckled his belt, unbuttoned his pants, and dropped them to the floor. Only Jamie Green would actually have the nerve to have sex in a public bathroom, in a club where his girl was just a few steps outside the bathroom door.

  I tried to resist him as he held my hips, lifting my body up, wrapping my legs around his waist, bracing my body against the door of the stall. I could feel him pulling his dick out through the hole in the boxers. He didn’t take my panties off; he just pulled them bitches to the side and pushed his way through.

  I squealed a little bit as he bit down on my neck and began to work the hell out of me, digging into me like a shovel. He gripped my thighs as I held on to his shoulders, trying to hold in the screams.

  Jamie moaned, “Charlene, shit.” He whispered my name, thrusting his pelvis. He worked me as if we were dancing to the music outside the door.

  My pussy held on to his dick with all her might. Though she was wet as a muthafucka, she was gripping for dear life. She held on to him as if she never wanted to let him go. When I came, my body fell limply against his. He held my body against the door and worked me until my legs went numb. When he came, he let out a long sigh in my ear. Our hearts pounded against each other’s chest, and he just held me for a moment. He looked up at me, and I looked down into his face as he pulled out of me and gently let my body down to the floor.

  I pulled my dress down as he pulled his pants up.

  Tears slid down my face as I watched him buckle his belt.

  Jamie dried my tears and gently kissed my lips. “Damn,” he whispered. “I swear, your pussy feels good as a muthafucka. Feels like the best place on earth to be, shorty.”

  I gently pushed him away, then opened the door to the stall. Just when I walked out of the stall, Alisha and Kelissa walked into the bathroom. My heart literally stopped beating, and I froze in my tracks.

  Alisha stopped in the doorway when she caught sight of me. She was in as much shock to see me walking out of the stall, with Jamie following behind me, as I was to see her walking in the bathroom on us.

  Kelissa wasn’t paying us any attention at first, too busy digging in her purse. “Girl, I can’t believe my period had to come on tonight of all—” She abruptly stopped talking when Alisha held her hand up to her face. Kelissa looked up at us. Her eyes widened. “What the . . . Charlene? Jamie?” she squealed.

  Alisha shook her head, folding her arms across her chest. “Fuckin’ in the fuckin’ bathroom? Y’all cheating muthafuckas couldn’t get a room somewhere?”

  Jamie laughed a little. “What’s up, Alisha?”

  Alisha glared at him. “Y’all are some triflin’ muthafuckas. Pamela is out there lookin’ for your ass, Jamie.” Alisha looked back at me. “And Ashton just called me, saying him and Aaron were on their way here. And quit all that got-damn crying, Charlie! Your ass wasn’t crying when you were fuckin’ that nigga! No, wait, I take that back. I heard how he does. The dick put you to tears, huh, bitch? Ol’ nasty, trashy, sleezy, classless—”

  I rolled my eyes, drying my tears from my face. “Shut the fuck up, Alisha.”

  Kelissa shook her head at me. “Charlie, what are you doing? Jamie fucks everybody! Y’all in here fuckin’ in the bathroom and shit, when his girl is right out there on the fuckin’ dance floor? This shit is fucked up! You haven’t changed since high school, Charlie! You want people to look at you differently, but you’re not different! Alisha never lied about you, dummy! Your reputation doesn’t need words! I told Aaron he couldn’t turn a fuckin’ ho into a housewife! I told him he couldn’t tame a bitch who had a pussy hole that was miles long!”

  Before I could get in her face, Jamie pulled me back. “Hold up, hold up. Y’all comin’ down real hard on somebody like y’all shit don’t stink. Alisha, didn’t you pay the judges at Charlie’s last audition not to choose her, even after she was already chosen?”

  I looked at Alisha. “What’s he talking about?”

  Alisha glared at him.

  Jamie nodded. “Yeah, Charlie, you were supposed to be a Laker Girl, not this bitch.”

  Before I could even reach out to strangle the shit out of Alisha, Kelissa got in the way. I pushed her out of my way, but Jamie pulled me back by my arm.

  Alisha laughed aloud. “Hey, it’s not like you would be able to keep the job anyway due to your . . .” she pointed at my stomach, “little situation.”

  Both Kelissa and Jamie looked at me.

  I shook my head at her. I should have known that bitch would have eyes on me at all times, even at the fuckin’ hospital. I should have known she would look at my hospital records after we had our physicals for cheerleading the week before school started. If that bitch opened her mouth, I was going to knock her got-damn teeth out.

  Alisha grinned. “See, at first, I was going to lay all your shit bare in front of the whole school, in front of the whole squad, in front of Aaron, in front of Ne’Vaeh. But then I found out from a friend of mine, who works as a physician’s assistant at the University of Maryland, that you might have a little situation that might just prevent you from dancing or cheering for Morgan State—or any state, for that matter, for a long time.” Alisha approached me, getting all in my grill, just daring me to touch her. “I was going to be the one to hang your ass, but I thought I would just stand by and let you hang yourself. Oh, I am really going to enjoy watching this shit.”

  I pushed her out of my face. “Alisha, you got one more time to get in my face.”

  Jamie pulled me back again.

  Kelissa shook her head. “I don’t know what the hell Alisha is talking about, and I really don’t wanna know either. All I’m saying is a lot of people are going to get hurt. I’m sorry I said that shit to Aaron about turning a ho into a housewife, because I’m no one to judge, but Aaron is a great guy, who anyone would love to be with. Jamie, on the other hand,” Kelissa rolled her eyes over to him, who stood there nonchalantly with his hands in his pockets, “has groupies lined up and down the East Coast.” She rolled her eyes back over to me. “You’re wasting your time with him. And you’re gonna ruin a good friendship and a relationship in the process. You’re too pretty to be this fucked-up in the head. I’m gettin’ up outta this bathroom before Pamela comes in here.” Kelissa threw her hands up, walking out of the bathroom.

  Alisha walked over to the mirror to take a look at her flawless face and smooth her edges down with her hands. She looked at my reflection in the mirror.

  Jamie looked at me. “Shorty.” He grabbed my hand.

  I looked at him, tears lining my lashes. I slid my hands from his. No matter how much I couldn’t stand Alisha and the rest of the girls on the squad, I knew they were right. I shook my
head at Jamie, putting my hand in his face before he said another word. “Jamie, please, just go.”

  Jamie looked over at Alisha, who stood at the mirror, arms folded across her chest. Jamie shook his head, then looked back at me. “What you do with your life is nobody else’s business, shorty. There’s no ring on my finger, and there’s no ring on yours. Until Aaron puts a ring on it, you can do whatever the fuck you like. All I’m saying is . . .” he kissed me on my forehead, “you deserve better than what he’s giving you.”

  My lips trembled as I watched Jamie walk out of the bathroom. I didn’t want to break down and cry again in front of Alisha, but I couldn’t hold back the tears.

  Alisha sighed, going into the bathroom stall, and tearing a wad of toilet paper off a roll. She walked up to me, handing me the tissue.

  I looked up at her, reluctant to take it from her hands.

  She nodded, shoving the tissue in my hands. “Stop all that punk-ass crying. And here, clean your face, Charlene—we have a lot of appearances to make tonight.”

  I dried my face, shaking my head in disgust. I couldn’t believe I was destroying my life, all over the need of attention, love, and affection. If I hadn’t been such a ho, maybe Aaron wouldn’t have treated me as such. He wasn’t cheating on me at the moment, but he was cold, and it was only a matter of time before he found whatever it was that he was looking for. What I was looking for in Jamie, I had no idea. Jamie was a playa. Everyone knew that shit. He was arrogant and conceited, but he was compassionate, loving, and charismatic. He knew just what to say. He knew just where it hurt. He knew just where to touch. He was everything that I needed in Aaron.

  “I know how you feel, Charlene.” Alisha went back over to the mirror and dug through her handbag.

  I walked up to the mirror, standing alongside her. “How could you possibly know how I’m feeling right now, Alisha?”

  Alisha looked at me, shaking her head. “You don’t think I know what it’s like to be with a man who doesn’t show you any kind of attention? Whose eye is always on another girl? Who wishes that I was someone else? Do you think my life is perfect? You were just the first bitch to screw around with my man, but you damn sure weren’t the last!”

  I just looked at her, not sure what to say.

  “Nothing I do to that muthafucka in bed has topped whatever it is that you did to him. I know in my heart that Ashton loves me, but for a man as fine as him, one woman just isn’t enough.” Alisha shook her head again.

  I didn’t know what to say, except, “Alisha, why don’t you leave him?”

  Alisha looked at me as if I were crazy. “What? Ashton is going to medical school. He’s going to be a doctor, making all kinds of bread. He’s been good to me in ways that no one can imagine. All men cheat. I haven’t met one who doesn’t . . . except your man. And that’s why I’m so pissed at you, Charlene! You think I don’t need to be loved, held, touched, and fucked from time to time? Ashton would rather go to the strip club than to spend time with me! He’s a man, Charlene. They disappoint us sometimes, they hurt us sometimes, they make mistakes sometimes, but if you do right by them, they’ll eventually turn around. You wanted to pay Aaron back for not loving you and look what you did to yourself. Pregnant by your best friend’s ex-boyfriend.”

  I cried harder.

  Alisha shook her head at me. “Does she even know he’s in town? Or did you want all of his time? Does the nigga even know you’re pregnant with his baby?”

  I shook my head. I couldn’t even look her in the face. “I’m not keeping it, Alisha.”

  Alisha’s eyes widened. “Not keeping—” She couldn’t even get the words out. She shook her head at me. “So you’re just gonna get rid of it and act like this shit between you and Jamie never happened?”

  “What do you expect me to do, Alisha? I have worked my whole life to become a dancer! You stole my chance with the Lakers, and it’s all good because I’ll get another chance. I can’t have this baby, Alisha.” I dried my tears.

  Alisha glared at me as she shook her head. “You always were a selfish little bitch. Everything is all about you. Whether or not you keep this baby, your problem is not going away. I suggest you tell your boyfriend and your best friend the truth before it’s too late. Y’all need to stop playing before someone fucks around and gets hurt.”

  * * *

  Why didn’t I listen to Alisha? While we were at a party in downtown Baltimore that night, I heard one of Jamie’s old teammates mention that he was staying at the Hilton downtown. I don’t know what inside of my heart, mind, and body told me to go to him that night, but I did. I wasn’t even thinking about the fact that Aaron was blowing up my phone or that Jamie might have had company that night. I was tired of thinking about Jamie. When I slept with him in Miami, I had no idea that I would fall as deep as I did.

  There I was, at three-thirty in the morning, knocking on the door to Jamie’s hotel room. The door flew open, and a bitch dressed in nothing but Jamie’s tank top answered the door.

  The bitch grinned, flipping her blond hair over her shoulder. “Yes, may I help you?”

  I immediately went into defense mode. “Did I ask for your help? I’m here to see Jamie.”

  “Shorty, who’s at the door?” I heard Jamie’s deep voice coming from down the hall.

  I pushed past the bitch, walking into the hotel room. And there were three other females sitting on the couch, smoking, drinking, all dressed in next to nothing. A few of Jamie’s boys were sitting at the table playing cards, drinking, and smoking too. Jamie came down the hallway from the bathroom. He stopped in his tracks when he saw me standing there in the living room, arms folded, eying the groupies on the couch.

  “Shorty, what’s up?” He approached me. “What’cha doing here at three-thirty in the morning? You know your man’s probably wondering where his girl is.”

  “And what about Pamela? Does she know y’all got all these hoes up in here and shit?” I looked around at everyone. “I don’t think she’d be too happy to know that her man is out here fuckin’ bitches and shit when you probably have her waiting for you in another hotel room!”

  Jamie laughed to himself. He knew I was jealous. “You need to clear your mind about somethin’, Charlie?”

  I shook my head at him. “You told me that you hadn’t touched Pamela since the day that you touched me, but what you didn’t tell me was that you were fuckin’ other bitches! True, you don’t owe me any explanation, but I thought I actually meant something to you, Jamie! This here proves that I don’t. You made me feel special, and I’m pretty sure that’s how you got these hoes to come here to see you tonight.” Tears welled up in my eyes and slid down my face.

  Jamie’s eyes glistened. “Charlene, you already know my lifestyle.” He grabbed my arm before I could walk away. “Shorty, you have a man. What are you doing here questioning me about what I do, when you’re not even supposed to be here?”

  I just looked up into his face, lips trembling and speechless.

  “What do you need me to do, shorty? We got a room full of people and you talkin’ to me about shit I don’t think you want everyone to know about. Do we need to talk in another room or what?” Jamie’s eyes traced my lips.

  I hesitated as he grabbed me by the hand.

  Jamie and I stood face-to-face in one of the bedrooms in the suite. I was angry with him when I had no business even being there.

  “Where’s your man at, Charlie?” Jamie’s eyes searched mine.

  “At his place, calling me every ten minutes or so,” I whispered, drying my eyes.

  “So, what are you doing here? Why are you not at his place, cuddled up with him? You don’t need to be here. You don’t need to see this side of me.” Jamie shook his head at me. “Go home, Charlie.”

  I shook my head. “You knew what you were doing when you pulled me in that bathroom stall today. You knew from the moment that you touched me that my body was yours. I can’t even have sex with Aaron without thinking of you, Jamie!
My body is addicted to yours, even though my heart belongs to him. Whatever this is that you’re doing, it has to stop. If we’re just friends, then that’s all we’re gonna be, Jamie. From here on out, we’re just friends, and nothing else. I can’t deal with this kind of confusion. You either want me or you don’t. There is no got-damn in between with me!”

  Jamie nodded, eyes sparkling. “I feel you.”

  I turned to walk away from him when he pulled me back to him. I looked up into his face as he kissed me. My lips trembled in his.

  Jamie’s lips let go of mine. “Just a friendly reminder that you are special and the fact that you had to come to me to find that out says a lot about the nigga you’re with.” Jamie’s eyes searched mine. “You need to leave that muthafucka. You deserve better than this. Better than having to go to someone else, just to feel some sort of affection. There’s someone else out there for you, shorty. It’s not me, it’s not him, but it’s somebody.”

  I wanted to tell Jamie then that I was pregnant with his baby, but how could I, when he was basically telling me that there was nothing between us but sex? I should have taken Jamie’s advice about leaving Aaron alone, to find someone who truly valued me, but I couldn’t. Not just yet. One way or another, I was going to have the man that I wanted, and at that point, I wasn’t even sure who that man was.

  Chapter 6

  Trapped

  Charlene

  The week before homecoming, Aaron took me out to a fancy restaurant. No friends, no teammates, just the two of us. It had been awhile since he had taken me out on a date. I still hadn’t seen Ne’Vaeh face-to-face and had only spoken over the phone to plan her birthday party. I was a little over two months pregnant and not sure when I was going to tell Aaron. I still maintained my figure, and the only thing on me that had gotten any bigger at the moment were my breasts. I knew Aaron noticed it because he couldn’t stop staring at them.

  That night at dinner, Aaron asked me what I thought about marriage. It scared me out of my mind. I knew that I was pregnant with Jamie’s baby. I knew that he would be pissed if he found out the baby wasn’t his, and I knew he would leave me if he found out. All I could think about was Jamie at that moment and how I was going to tell him. The last thing on my mind was marriage, and it wasn’t because I didn’t want to marry Aaron, because I did. It was because I knew I was in the wrong, and I didn’t deserve to marry him. I knew I broke his heart when I told him that marrying him was the last thing on my mind, that my career was more important than us, and that I wasn’t even sure if he was the guy I wanted to marry. Maybe a small part of me was trying to push Aaron away before he left me. Maybe a small part of me wanted to make my situation easier.